Produced by Michael Bay, Jonathan Liebesman directs the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, a film about four heroes in a half shell who meet reporter April O’ Niel and take on the evil crime lord Shredder.
Set in modern day New York is the story of Raphael, Michelangelo, Leonardo and Donatello, who discover their origins are connected with the evil Shredder, who is trying to destroy their city. From their discovery by April O’ Niel, to trying to protect the eye candy reporter to the dull and inevitable finale, this film is a cowabunga free zone.
Considering how distinct the original characters were it’s a shame the motion capture cast of Alan Ritchson, Noel Fisher, Pete Ploszek, Jeremy Howard fail to bring them to life. Danny Woodburn, as Splinter, also struggles, but the most unconvincing cast member is Megan Fox, who completely fails as life reporter April O’ Niel. William Fichtner isn’t too bad with the nothing part he was given, but the best performance comes from Whoopi Goldberg, whose role in the film sadly had the least to do with the plot.
The plot itself is effectively the same as the 1990 original movie, but in this film less time is given to develop the characters properly. As a result once the action starts it quickly gets old as there is no emotional investment in these characters. The look of the characters is also a major problem. Quite frankly Michelangelo, Leonardo and Donatello look creepy and Raphael is just plain scary, looking like some sort green steroid junky freak, with Splinter’s warm charm replaced with a sinister rat. To add to the creepiness, when film doesn’t have Michelangelo making advances on Megan Fox it has William Fichtner leering at her behind during the action scenes.
As well as the rehashed plot and general creepiness of the characters the film itself is utterly joyless. All references to the carton, like the love of pizza, cowabunga dudes and turtle power all seem grudgingly done or just aren’t referred to at all. Which begs the question, if the film makers were so embarrassed by the original characters why did they bother to make the film at all? The fact that the film made the $70 million in its opening weekend, with the sequel now scheduled, is probably the answer.
Too scary for kids, too unengaging for adults who loved the original, this film fails to satisfy both audiences and is a half-baked cowabunga free zone.
‘Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles’ opens in cinemas around the UK from October 17th.
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