Despite acting and looking like a particularly spoiled 16 year old child, North Korea’s current Supreme Leader/Amateur Bond-Villain actually turned 31 years old this week.
(Much of this article was written in jest. If you find it offensive, feel free to leave. Let’s begin.)
Now North Korea is generally considered, by everyone who doesn’t live there at least, to be a big old bag of crazy. This may sound facetious, (for which I offer no apology) but there are a few things to consider when talking about North Korea: primarily, the use of a “cult of personality” in North Korea regarding the Kim family (not the Kardashians) is extensive, elaborate and borderline ridiculous. Secondly, and as a consequence of the first point, they are f***ing crazy.
The cult of personality in North Korea is so extreme that Jong-un’s grandfather Kim Il-sung, the person who started the cult of personality in the first place, still holds some degree of Office. This is in spite of the fact that he is, well, dead. In 1997, the Georgian Dating System that is used in the West was replaced with the Juche (Juche being the ideology of North Korea and created by Il-sung) Era dating system, the beginning of which is, predictably, Il-sung’s birthday, making it currently the year 103 in North Korea. The cult of personality is so strong, that despite the majority of the population of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea being in abject poverty, people still profess their love for the Supreme Leader. Or they’re terrified of what will happen if they don’t, which is usually either death or being sent to a work camp. [As a side note, always be suspicious of a state that refers to itself as being either “democratic” or “the People’s”.]
So to commemorate the Supreme Leader’s birthday (or am I using it as an excuse to make fun of him? I’ll never tell. Goodbye visa to the DPRK either way), let’s look at Kim Jong-un’s best moments from his 2 year long reign of terror.
Having Lots of People killed
So, what’s the first thing you look for when seeing how crazy a dictator is? Why the consummate number of people he (or she) has had killed of course. Stalin and Hitler are pretty high up there when it comes to having scores of people brutally killed for reasons that probably wouldn’t stand up to much logical scrutiny, but how does the pot-bellied 31 year old compare?
The most recent example of brutal tyrannical murdering from North Korea comes in the desecrated form of Jong-un’s uncle: Jang Song-Thaek, who was at one point considered one of the most important men of the regime. He was killed in the middle of December along with 5 of his personal aides, either by firing squad or a number of ravenous dogs (the jury is out as to which it is, but either way the man is dead). Quite why Song-Thaek, along with his colleagues, were killed is up to some debate. If you believe the North Korean Government, then get out, stop reading and don’t be so bloody stupid. Also, you’d accept that the charges issued by them against Song-Thaek of being a traitor to the state and attempting to seize power. Alternatively, this was simply a power consolidation; Jong-un removing a potential rival within the party whilst sending messages throughout the regime that he can have damn well anyone he wants killed, so they best toe the line. There is speculation that Jong-un has purged a number of officials from the party, with some suggesting that he is expunging the government of any influences from his father’s era.
But before his dear uncle, Jong-un demonstrated that he was not only above killing family, but also having his former lover, Hyon Song-Wol killed, along with 11 other musicians and artists from the Unhasu Orchestra and Wangjaesan Light Music Band in August 2012. Their stated crime; appearing in pornographic material, which in North Korea is very illegal (they might be starving, but at least they’re not smutty). Certainly Jong-un thus far, is not as homicidal as his tyrannical contemporaries, but it’s still early days. So far he’s already killed members of family, the people who groomed him to be leader and his old girlfriend. North Korea is becoming more and more like Game of Thrones.
Nuclear Weapons and Making Everyone in the World Hate Them
Of course, 2013 was also the year where North Korea joined the big boys club of International Politics; the elite few states that for some reason think that Nuclear weapons are a pretty neat idea. To be mildly controversial, I’m going to make the bold statement that North Korea getting Nuclear Weapons was, from their point of view, a pretty damn good idea. Whilst getting nuclear weapons is a bit of an international faux pas (see all the discussion about Iran for the last few years), it’s not really as if this sort of faux pas is going to make them any less popular. They are currently the global equivalent of the drunk crazy homeless guy that for some reason has turned up at a party, and now he has just started brandishing a knife at everyone. No-one really wanted to deal with him before, but now he has a knife everyone is slightly more content to let him fester in the corner. So it is with North Korea, now they have Nuclear Weapons, more or less, that there is little chance of any sort of war.
The risk of attacking them is now too huge; it is a commonly accepted fact that to attack a Nuclear State is to risk the ultimate retribution of near complete annihilation. In making his country easily defensible, Jong-un has done a good job. Which is a pretty good idea, I suppose, but at what cost? Well mostly it’s made a lot of countries consider how much of a problem they are and furthered the extent to which North Korea is a pariah state, in which Jong-un has done an even better job. Even China, who has for a long time been a staunch ally of North Korea, seems to be backing away slowly, like a friend who has realised that their companion has just shat themselves on stage. Nobody really wants to get behind a belligerent arsehole (unless, of course, they are the United States of America). Whilst self-reliance is a core concept of Juche, combined with Jong-un’s aggressive rhetoric against the South Koreans and US, a helping hand (or helping veto in the UN Security Council from the Chinese) would not be entirely remiss.
The Verdict
It’s still early days for Kim Jong-un. He has a long legacy to live up to, not only from his own familial predecessors but also his compatriots in tyranny. The atrocities so far committed could be argued to be to the point of solidifying his position as dictator, taking from the Stalin school of murdering those that pose a threat. Excessive posturing in the region, threatening the South and making funny faces, sticking out their tongue whilst blowing raspberries at the US could simply be Kim Jong-un trying to prove to his military that he is a fearless and aggressive leader (with the complexion of a small, overweight child). To the rest of the world, thus far he proves to be of little importance and even less threat. It is safe to say however that his regime has thus far been dangerously violent, abusive and sadistic to its own people, killing with extreme prejudice any of those that might cross the regime. Whilst normally it would be nice to end on a positive note, we are in fact talking about North Korea, so lets just finish by saying he’s got the highest chance thus far of inciting a rebellion.