How England fans might spend £90 not on a recycled piece of polyester.

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England football fans; master cynics for 95% of the year, but overtly optimistic come tournament season. It’s embedded in our DNA with 24/7 reinforcement from the press. You can just picture those Tom Cleverley selection petitioners if he scored the winner against Italy in Manaus. Cue hysterical jumping, fist-pumping and a flurry of new Cleverley songs. (See, I’m being cynical right now, too.)

But today, Nike and The Football Association have given England Fans sufficient ammo to be rightfully cynical, angry and disappointed, just a few months ahead of the biggest tournament in World football.

As you may have heard, the two footy powerhouses have jointly announced the new 2014 England Football Men’s ‘Matchday’ and ‘Stadium’ football shirts. The shirts promise England fans that it will ensure they “Stay Cool, Stay Dry and Stay Loyal” for the upcoming tournament in Brazil, evidenced in some rather cheesy Americanised product descriptions. The likes of Wayne Rooney and Steven Gerrard will be donning the shirts looking to end 48 years of hurt.

But the price tag has surprised and disgusted many, with RRP set at £90 for ‘Matchday’ shirts and £60 for the ‘Stadium’ version. The second worst aspect of the announcement is that April Fools Day falls tomorrow..

Joey Barton echoed fan sentiment;

But let’s have a look at how England fans can spend their money more wisely for this summers tournament.

Alternative to the official matchday shirt is the do-it-yourself version with three easy, Ikea-proof steps. It saves England fans £71 pounds which covers three generous beer round’s for a group of four.
Step 1: Buy the Nike ‘Express Core’ T-shirt for £15-00.
Step 2: Purchase the England ‘Iron or Sew on’ badge from Ebay for £4-00.
Step 3: Get your nan to sew or iron the badge to the shirt.

If you’d rather spend nothing on shirts and go for the topless geordie look (if you wish). You could afford either;
Topless Geordie

– A monster BBQ for all your mates including;
2x Party Size Disposable BBQ’s – £12.99 – Argos
20 x Carling Cans – £12.00 – Asda
20 x Koppaberg Bottles – £21.50 – Asda
12 x Butchers Select Burgers – £8.25 – Asda
24 x Lincolnshire Sausages – £5.94 – Asda
8 x Prime Rump Steak – £16.00 – Asda
2 x Pack Of Hot & Spicy Wings – £4.00 – Asda
12 x Burger Buns – £1.70 – Asda
24 x Finger Rolls – £3.60 – Asda
1 x HP Classic BBQ Sauce – £1.98 – Asda
2 x Balsamic Vinegar Kettle Chips – £3.00 – Asda

– A return flight to Ibiza for £2 more.
Based on two week break from 03/06/14 to 13/06/14 – £92-00 – Ryanair.

– A summers day in Manchester at ‘Parklife Weekender’ plus drinks, food and reasonable transport costs.
Line-up includes Snoop Dogg, Foals, Bastille and Rudimental – £54.00 inc. booking fee – Ticketmaster.

The list goes on and on!

England fans! Let us know in the comment box how much you think an England Shirt should be!

All prices are correct as of 31/03/14.

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