6 Steps: An Idiot’s Guide to the USA, Her Politics and Her Government

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Disclaimer: to be read with a huge pinch of sarcasm.

1) Government is made up of three branches, they work in perfect unison.

The three branches are the executive branch, the legislative branch and the judiciary branch.  We know them better as the Presidential Office, Congress and The Supreme Court.  The Constitution put forward that the executive and legislative branch were to be used to help curtail each other’s power.  As a result the US government tends to shutdown at least once a decade when the two branches of government become unable to cooperate and incapable of representing the voters they have been elected by.

2) America is great at war.

America has never lost a war.  Although the British claim to have been victorious in the war of 1812, this simply isn’t true and should not be debated as American history happened in the exact manner the American media and education system would have us all believe.  Additionally, World War One would have ended very differently had America not become involved in the last eighteen months or so.  In fact, I (as a twenty something year old) would in all likelihood be fighting in Ypres today had America not have saved us so heroically.  At the end of the day all the British and other allies had been doing between 1914 and 1917 was play football and write poems.  Vietnam is another fine example of how successful America is at war.  Contrary to popular belief America did not lose in Vietnam and the 60,000 young men that lost their lives was not in vein.  Despite the fact that the US fought so passionately and vigorously through the 1950’s, 1960’s and 1970’s to keep Vietnam out of the grips of Ho Chi Minh and his Communist party,  America had clearly lost interest of the ‘noble cause’ by 1974.  Therefore the eventual fall of Saigon in 1975 means that America can in no way be held accountable.

3) American history is full numerous great heroes, all of whom have no faults whatsoever.

George Washington and Thomas Jefferson are perhaps two of the most popular Founding Fathers.  They can best be described as ‘Demi-Gods’.  Washington excelled in both the military field and politics and was hugely successful as the first president.  Jefferson was also an accomplished politician having drafted the Constitution and was a hugely successful scholar and scientist.  All their hard work meant they needed a loyal entourage of African-American slaves to help them with their day to day lives, in fact one of the last living former slave’s (Fountain Hughs) family was even owned by Thomas Jefferson.  Then there is Woodrow Wilson, who after miraculously saving the day in Europe after the First World War, managed to bring about an absolutely faultless peace settlement in Versailles of which nothing bad could possibly ever  come of.  Not only was he solely responsible for fixing Europe in 1919 but he also made numerous and prolonged efforts to segregate federal government in an attempt to further alienate and marginalise African Americans from American society.

4) America is the world’s greatest democracy.

The United States can educate us and inform us to the abstract wrong of a one party state.  China are evil, North Korea are evil, Cuba are evil.  A vast and ideal improvement on a one party system is a two party system.  This is in effect the state of affairs of American politics, who are dominated by the Republicans and Democrats.  What works so perfectly with this set up is it curbs any major differences or alternate views from being represented in any form of government.  In a bid to stay mainstream and secure votes from the masses the two parties remain remarkably similar in their core values and policies.

5) America is a tolerant nation and always has been.

America was in some ways born on the Mayflower in 1620 where the Pilgrim Fathers signed the Mayflower Compact and promised religious toleration.  As a result there are numerous pockets of American society who ensure that the word of the Bible is followed to a tee.  For this reason Abortion is illegal in many parts of the USA and homosexuality is terrorised at whatever available opportunity.  America is also based on the idea that ‘all men a created equal’ and for the most part of American history this did not need to extend to anyone who was not of the white race.   Furthermore, in the wake of 9/11 it has become apparent that all Muslims living in the United States are in some way involved with terrorist organisations and should therefore be marginalised at every opportunity available.

6) America has a unique and important role in the world.

Barack Obama has put forward this idea himself.   America is the world’s greatest nation, largely down to the factors I have mentioned previously.  For this reason it is well within America’s role, and for that matter duty, to incite and encourage regime change whenever deemed necessary.  Despite the fact that the vast majority of Vietnamese wanted a united Vietnam under the leadership of the Vietnamese Communist Party during the 1950’s it was well within America’s right to stop this from happening.  It was also fully justified sending troops to Afghanistan in 2001, just as emotions were running high and feelings of anger hadn’t quite settled after 9/11.  It was essential that America struck while the iron was hot even though they were largely uneducated about the complexities of the political situation in the region as well as the hugely destabilising effect it would have on the local populations.

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